An actual excerpt...

[herrsatan]

This is an email sent to us by someone who wants to be our singer.

my influances are devildriver cannibal corpse lamb of god hell within killswitch engage i like death metal black metal me and my buddys formed a band called cerybus i sang we played cannibal corpse covers some of our own stuff but i moved and lost tuch i have no sound clips but i can do it

Yeah.

Comments

[juscool.livejournal.com]

dude sounds like a fucking winner....

he's so fucking metal he doesn't need to use punctuation, dude.

[herrsatan.livejournal.com]

he's so metal he pisses nails.

[diego001.livejournal.com]

So question. What kind of music do you guys play?

Not that I'm able to actually sing for the band, but yeah...

[herrsatan.livejournal.com]

Well, not Cannibal Corpse covers, for starters.
Here.

[diego001.livejournal.com]

I like it. I'll have to listen to you guys once you get a new good singer, etc.

[placeboweek.livejournal.com]

Geez, James Joyce really started sucking once he went metal.

[herrsatan.livejournal.com]

haha, funniest thing I've read all day!

[pauamma]

Add the following to your ads:

Core requirements for the position:
- Demonstrated mastery of grade 8 English (grammar, spelling, and comprehension)

That probably won't cut down on those, but at least you'll have an excuse for mocking them in your rejection answers.

[herrsatan.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that would be good. I mean, you gotta think whoever we pick is going to be writing lyrics for our songs. I don't want them to look like this:
i wnat kill you with a knfe i wnat kill you tak you life
i wnat kill you all the time i wnat kill you now what ryme

[pauamma]

Not unless you're aiming for the Sesame Street market segment.

[idonotlikepeas]

Ah, Cannibal Corpse cover band. What a ringing endorsement.

[herrsatan.livejournal.com]

But come on, who doesn't like songs about messily disemboweling people and raping them?

[idonotlikepeas]

You mean you /did/ like that mix tape I made you? Yay!